Day 15: Why I Hate Being a Woman

9:26 PM

Before you brand me an anti-feminist, self-hating traitor, relax! 

This is about Shark Week. 

No, I don't mean the awesome one with documentaries featuring adorable baby nurse sharks. You know what I'm talking about. I'm just keeping it real. On top of the Flu From Satan's Bunghole, Aunt Flo has come for a visit. No, not the bouffant-haired gal from the Progressive commercials. This Aunt Flo is ten times as annoying. 

Maybe some of you do "have a happy period" (are you fucking kidding me, Always?!). Maybe some of you are men, who have never suffered the agonizing pain that can best be described as "a velociraptor is trying to claw its way out of my pelvic area." Maybe your pain tolerance is just much higher than mine. 

But some of us are miserable for a week every month. For the morbidly curious, this is what it's like.
1.) This is your idea of "tall, dark, and handsome."
2.) Chocolate syrup is considered a beverage. 
3.) Your face breaks out; sometimes it even swells. 
4.) This is your new Facebook relationship status.
5.) Sometimes? You just want to say something nasty

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Hopefully I haven't scared too many of you away, but sometimes you just have to be brutally, disgustingly honest. 

What's the worst pain you've ever been in?

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  1. Whiplash. The worst pain I have ever been in was when I had whiplash and thought some awful, Satanic beaver sawed at my neck. I sympathize. Hugs for you.

  2. Ewwwww. Whiplash is evil! Damn those Satanic beavers!


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